i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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