I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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