this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
