I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
