That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
