That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
