my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Alive.
So much puke
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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