we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
