It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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