I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
