guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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