people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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