Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
