I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
