Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
