She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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