I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
