ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you didnt know i had herpes?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
