Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
