Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
