omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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