I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
