When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
