u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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