How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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