did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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