it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
