he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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