Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
