I'm lost and stupid without you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Will exercising make me less horny?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
