i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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