Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!