shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.