My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
