I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL