So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza