You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pants are for mortals