And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.