He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
