i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
