Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
