My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think i have herpe
just one?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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