Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
