I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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