Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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