Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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