I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
