One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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