he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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