It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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