these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize