I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
