As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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