Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
