I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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