she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
