She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
