I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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