Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
