Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
