Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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