Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
