i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
