I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
