If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
