Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
