I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
