i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
