I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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