I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
