Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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