We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
