My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
