Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
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