marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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