Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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