Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
