So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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