If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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