My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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