So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
