So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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