you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So much rum. So many feels.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
