Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
