I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
