dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
