His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
