i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
